Seafoodpunch

If there is one thing I look forward to every night, it’s to fall asleep and dream about being in a better place. Last night I was off to a good start: I drifted away and found myself walking into a huge theatre. I sat down in one of the floating red plush chairs swaying throughout the theatre as if on an invisible wave, and watched the stage below me…

Then my head flopped to the side and I fell asleep…IN MY DREAM.

Who the hell falls asleep in their own friggin’ dream? I didn’t even get to see what or who was performing on stage. Boo!

Am I that boring? I’d have to be,but the ablility to put myself to sleep like that has got to be a skill. And at least I looked good sleeping for a change. Not a grunt, snore or a single drop of spittle escaped my lips. That’s really how it was impossible to forget that none of this was real. On a side note; I did feel great when I woke up.

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This brings me to another point (it will all fit together, I promise):  Some people talk in their sleep (its called Somniloquy or ‘sleep-talking’) I’ve recently been told that I’m one of those people. But this only happens when I’ve consumed exactly 2.5 glass of wine during a weekday between the hours of 9:30 and 11pm, fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion and then been gently prodded by a well meaning individual feebly attempting to remove me from the couch, bathtub, or wrong side of the bed.

Once all these conditions are met, a lucky guy gets to listen to me babble about dragonflies enjoying vacations at the Oregon dunes, how my stairs need carpeting and how I will soon come to own a red boat. I will continue to generously spew forth these words of wisdom for at least 10 minutes before my speech turns into a gargling snore.

But I’m an amateur Somniloquyer. One man’s claim to fame was his ability to practically narrate everything that went on his dreams. Dion McGregor was a songwriter by day and a story teller by night. While sleeping he would clearly describe scenes like tattooing a woman’s tongue, or riding around the world in a hot air balloon. Many of his dreams are recorded and published in the book ‘The Dream World Of Dion McGregor (He Talks In His Sleep)’. Unfortunately, Dion McGregor passed away in 1994 before he could even read this post.

My question is: What if I started sleep-talking during a dream in which I’m asleep? If I’d been snoring in my dream, and then snored in real life in an attempt to mirror what was going on in the dream then I’m not really snoring. I’m sleep talking! That’s it! I don’t snore damnit! I’m just trying to tell you what’s going on in my head!