Posts Tagged ‘Science’

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Crabs Have It Rough-Stop Waxing ASAP

Do you ever wonder why they’re two different species of lice (i.e. the head louse and crab louse) crawling around our bodies when it makes more sense to just get harassed by one friggin kind of louse?

No?

Maybe it’s just me then…

*Googling*

AHA! I knew it! Basically, we have gorillas to thank for the crabs that have crawled their way through our pants and into our hearts.

We acquired the crab louse from gorillas several million years ago.  And hey, before you let your mind wander to a night of  savage jungle love, let me make it clear that sex with a gorilla was probably not how the inter-species louse transfer happened (especially since a gorilla’s penis is a measly 4cm long…that’s a quarter of an INCH, people!…don’t ask me how I know).

Back in the day, the nests left behind by gorillas were as comfortable as any bed, even if they were full of lice, while the occasional gorillas may have been butchered and eaten when our ancestors were in the mood for some ape-leg. These activities left our bodies exposed to the hungry vermin.

louse loves youPeople were pretty hairy back then, and the oblivious crab louse hitching a ride probably didn’t really know the difference between prehistoric humans and gorillas. Later on, as humans began losing their hair, the poor crab lice were forced to keep moving south as their habitats became smaller and smaller.

Crab lice will use their little claws to hang onto your towels, bed sheets, clothes and closets in addition to your pubes…just waiting for their chance to move to wider and hairier pastures. If a crab louse is lucky enough to infest someone hairy, then a scruffy beard, fuzzy armpit or shaggy stomach is also prime real estate; perfect for raising a cute crabby family.

But not all lice are that lucky: On the younger human kids that are generally hairless, crab lice have to resort to living in the crowded eyelash area until some decent pubes have finally started sprouting down below.

Crabs don’t have it easy! They made the choice to crawl over to people, leaving the hairy suburbia offered by gorillas behind.

These poor lice definitely traded down.

Now, as we wax and pluck the hair that nature left us with, the crab louse has become somewhat of an endangered species. (You can’ help but feel sorry for the little pests. After all, we share years of family history!)

If you have a decent area to house a family of crabs why not adopt some of these little guys from this WEBSITE. (However, take note that we do not promote the use of crabs as revenge…unless they are used on a roommate that has made your life a living hell. Just make sure to move out first.)

crabs

‘Foot Tingling Is God’s Way Of Telling You To ‘Move It’!

There is nothing worse than sitting awkwardly with the computer on your lap, when suddenly…out of nowhere…for no reason whatsoever…at the worst possible time…your foot falls asleep! Oh God, the HORROR! Apparently, sitting around for hours with a 10 pound laptop putting pressure on your legs isn’t a good idea. I found this out the hard way.

I guess you shouldn’t really argue with something that has evolved for millions of years to let you know when it’s time to move your ass because sitting around for that long can’t be healthy. Same thing goes if you don’t believe in evolution: You can’t argue with God right? This is God’s way of saying that people shouldn’t be lazy! Get up!

Doctors have tried convincing me that extended pressure applied to any part of the human body will cut off circulation and squish arteries that carry nourishment to nerve cells. The nerves just pass out and the brain gets all confused because communication just stops. Well, OK, that makes sense. But why the pain? Haven’t people been putting all kinds of crap on their laps for centuries: babies, books, your own leg, etc. What is the point?

Waking up with a cramped calf muscle isn’t fun either. I’ll wake up moaning and trying to massage a muscle that seems to have taken on a will of its own. The little bastard seems to want nothing more than to burst out of my leg. It really is cruel. The cramping I can understand though, it’s just a nice way of saying that you need more potassium in your diet…but a foot falling asleep because it can’t take a few pounds of pressure? Come ON!

I guess the pain we feel is the poor little nerve cells crying out for help. I imagine them suffocating underneath my skin and stabbing me with tiny swords to let me know that it’s time to move along. It doesn’t take much imagination, because that’s exactly what it feels like!

Nerves are ready to strike when you least expect it…

Always ready to strike when you least expect it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is the more scientific version of the story: Some nerve cells send out crazy signals while others stop working all together. That’s what causes the tingling. There is more to it than that, of course: different sizes of nerve fibers send out different kinds of signals, blood flow etc. If you are really curious you can read up on that HERE.

I guess this slight tingling sensation is better than the foot binding scenario mentioned in a previous blog. (I would like to take this time to say that I do not have a foot fetish and that I’ll be sure to avoid topics involving feet for a while. Or until these accusations are no longer an issue.)

Hmm, Maybe my next blog about the human body’s sick sense of humor will involve hiccups. Those aren’t fun either.

The Aye-Aye: Finger Wrapped In Superstition

 

In Madagascar lives a creature that looks so bizarre it is no wonder that the local Malagasy and Sakalava people believe it to be a symbol of death. The menacing omen comes in the shape of an aye-aye: Its piercing orange eyes, bony fingers, large, rabbit like incisors and bat-like ears definitely give this nocturnal primate a unique appearance. Some tribesmen even go so far as to claim that the aye-aye will sneak into your home at night and use its ridiculously long, slender middle finger to pierce your heart (I like to imagine him doing this while cackling maniacally).

These beliefs couldn’t be further from the truth. The creature that the local villagers are so petrified to come across, spends most of its time searching out grubs, nuts, nectar and fruits rather than people to condemn to death. Who has time for that anyway?

Unfortunately, superstitions associated with the aye-aye result in the animal being killed on sight. This poor little thing is pretty much killed because it is born ugly.

It doesn’t help that the aye-aye is almost tame when compared to other wild animals. Aye-ayes are known to walk right up to naturalists and into busy villages, raiding farms for coconuts, mangoes or lychees. This makes them an easy target for individuals who want to avoid the curse by killing the primate.

In Gerald Durrel’s short novel, “The Aye-Aye and I”, Durrel describes how an aye-aye fearlessly crawled onto his shoulder and proceeded to gently probe the inside his ear for a tasty bug. (I wouldn’t be able to handle a flea covered animal poking the inside of my ear, but naturalists have wet dreams about this sort of thing.) Unfortunately, this poor aye-aye found nothing but tasteless wax in the ear and simply clamored back up into the trees with what is described as a disappointing grunt.

Here is the real reason behind the ‘killer’ finger: The aye-aye has a unique foraging behavior when searching for its preferred food: It will tap at trees with the tip of its claw and use echolocation to find any grubs hiding underneath the bark. Once found, the aye-aye will rasp away at the wood with its teeth and insert the  finger in question into the larvae’s burrow to pull it out.

With habitats shrinking, unlucky aye-ayes stumble into local villages more and more often and if found, don’t make it out. Hopefully, local people have begun to realize that no aye-aye has ever singled out a person to die.