Seafoodpunch

Editor’s Note: For those of you hoping for a perverted story, I’m sorry to disappoint)

There are a few times where my brain just seizes, shuts down, restarts and just seems out of wack for a while. Last week was one of those days: Daydreaming, like I usually do, I suddenly panicked when I focused soley on the saliva accumulating in my mouth which I then had to swallow. That’s the process right? We all do it, but it’s supposed to be a subconscious thing. But, for some unknown reason, I suddenly became all too aware of the entire experience. Sure, it might not SOUND so bad, but trust me, you don’t want to FEEL every part of the spit creating process.

 I seem to be quite talented in the saliva production department, though.  Supposidly most people are: Everyone has 2-3 cups of the stuff slide down their throats every day, but I doubt it’s anything anyone else has a problem with. Plus, I was well hydrated that day.

I guess I shouldnt complain, though.  Some of us dont have enough precious spit and that really sucks. Without this delightful fluid you wouldnt be able to taste anything, you would enjoy digestive problems, have bad breath (which means no friends), and your teeth will probably succumb to even more cavities.

Not only that, but spit has its uses outside the human body: Want to look awesome in public? Well then, you just need to slide those pants around your ankles and spit on the curb. Have a dirty painting? Spit on it! I’m not even joking: In the art business, spit is used to clean up ancient paintings. Apparently, nothing works better than the special assortment of enzymes and liquids in spit, and art restorers would never let a drop go to waste.

Well, I honestly don’t care how wonderful spit is. I don’t want to think about my salivary glands pumping the mess into my mouth and then having to swallow it. It was ridiculous. It even got to the point where I wandered around looking at magazines at Borders and frantically playing with random toys as Brookstone just trying to get my mind off of it. I had to FORCE myself to swallow, obviously something wasn’t working right. It’s supposed to just happen on its own so you can deal with other things (like dealing with people asking when you’re done with the massage chair so they can try it out).

Eventually, things went back to normal. It was like my brain rolled around and clicked back to the auto-pilot mode where I didnt FEEL the glands pumping or my throat bulging with every swallow. It took about 30 minutes though, and that is enough time to almost fill a bucket with the stuff (ok, maybe not, but it was a lot!) and wonder if there seriously is something wrong with my body.

What if it gets worse? What if I can’t breath unless I do it manually. At least then I could control this snoring problem I seem to have, I guess.