It has taken me years to adjust to eating spicy foods. I’m half German, which means that my mother seasons potatoes with a dash of pepper and that’s IT! I wasn’t used to spice so I was pretty damn proud of myself when, after years of practice, I managed to chew on a spicy Indian dish without the added taste of my salty tears of agony.  That was a great moment for me.

Unfortunately, I never thought to habitually rub mace into my eyes to get that body part used to peppers too.  

It all started with some spicy Thai soup which I thought would be a refreshing switch from Ramen. Ugh. I added the little packet of red pepper and stirred the innocent looking soup around, reminding myself  what a great chili eating trooper I’d become. One of the noodles decided to put me in my place and proceeded to fling a generous amount of red broth into my eye seconds before it wiggled down my throat.

My eye swelled up almost immediately and no amount of cold water could stop me from looking like I’d been blessed with a severe case of pink eye.  

Supposedly chili peppers can be good for you. Supposedly chili helps infection. Supposedly peeing in your eye won’t help with the pain. Chili is known to destroy cancer cells, reduce infection, help with arthritis and get rid of headaches. But my eye really didn’t benefit from anything.

Capsaicin is what gives a pepper its spicy ‘flavor’. It binds with cells in the mouth that specialize in sensing heat. These cells send the message to the brain that there is some hot stuff in your mouth…and it’s all downhill from there: The heart starts racing and sweat squirts out of every pore.

I can handle chilies in my mouth, but I now know to use goggles when I’m dealing with soup.