Seafoodpunch

Making it to 100 years old comes with a variety of privileges, one of which is your very own Wikipedia article. Maria De Jesus, at 115 years old, is one of those people. Thanks to Wikipedia we know that Maria enjoys walking around with the help of her walker (still an amazing feat at 115), sitting on the porch and eating foods like as rice pudding and ice cream. All this is very specific and found in Wikipedia along with the fact that Maria likes baths.

It seems like at least once a month I hear about someone who just celebrated their 100th birthday. When you reach a certain age, you learn to enjoy the simpler things in life: Bringing over a slightly molten ice cream cake is enough to bring a gummy old grin to the wrinkled face of the ancient Maria.

Every single person who has lived to see 100 was born after the 1860′s (with a couple exceptions). We are living longer than ever, but are we outstaying our welcome? New medicines, foods, healthier lifestyles and genetics are all a part of the ‘problem’. I’m not calling old people problems, mind you! Even though, the mother-in-law tends to hang out a lot longer than anyone would like.

Before the 1800′s rolled around, most people were ready to call it quits in their 40s. In the 1900′s you retired at 60 because you almost definitely wouldn’t make it past 80. Now, in the 20th century, I try and keep up with all the ‘senior citizens’ at my gym who are as limber as the buxom kick-boxing instructor, while I’m left wheezing for air. 60? pshaw. You’re still young!

My cousin once said he couldn’t imagine living past 30, because being remembered as an old fart is just lame (He is now 32 and dating a 22 year old, so it all balances out). These days, you haven’t even started living till your mid-twenties and many people I know didn’t even pop out their first baby till their mid 30s. Others have hit 40 and just seem to have forgotten about raising a family since they’re still not ready. what is going on?!

It is a tactic to reduce the human population I tell you! Give it time and you’ll see. The world is changing. Eventually we are going to have to take care of our 100 year old parents and won’t have time to procreate. Plus, you don’t want to bring over a lady when you can hear your dad sucking on tapioca pudding in the next room.

Either way, it all works out: Diners will pop up on every corner. Road rage will just about be eliminated since people will forget why they are in such a hurry. Fiber will generously be poured into our drinks while we have to keep working into our 120′s to pay for all the health care.