It is HOT! I guess sweating out a lung is enough for most people to come to this conclusion on their own, but I just want to make it clear how freaking hot it is.

And all the ice creams! Oh, the poor, little ice creams. They never had a chance.

Ice cream used to be a luxury, and the idea of a lonely scoop melting away in the street would have caused a riot. Nowadays, it just causes passerbys to tear up a little. sniff.

Centuries ago, you had to plan months in advance to get your ice cream  in the summer: Before fridges came around, people would store the ice hacked from the surface of ponds or lakes in holes underground. It held surprisingly well, but you had to cram a lot in there to make it last.

Ice storage has been around since 1700 BC and so has the lust for a cold beverage in the heat of summer. Those special snow cones were probably held with an iron grip.

Can you imagine the embarrassment of dropping a ball of snow that had been carefully stored for 6 months…waiting in the dark until it was finally its turn to shine in the summer heat? Oh god. You’d probably try sucking up as much as you could from the sidewalk.

Alright! I managed to turn on the computer and read my email…and I have to say, I’m very impressed with myself right now. Most people wouldn’t have had the drive to get up from the sizzling, hot, leather chair and leave half their skin behind in the process.

Now to switch out these underwear for the ones in the freezer…

Check out this hilarious article written by Wendi Aarons. It managed to make me feel a little better about my situation:

Summer by Numbers:

Current outside temperature in Austin: 103

Number of days it will remain this temperature in Austin: 103

Number of days since the upstairs A/C went out: 1/2

Amount of swear words uttered since the upstairs A/C went out:  50

Amount of swear words uttered that began with the word “mutha”: 50

Number of times the A/C repairman was called: 6

Number of times the A/C repairman’s secretary told us to “Keep your pants on, hon”: 2

Number of times we told the A/C repairman’s secretary to “Keep your own damn pants on, hon”: 7

Hours until the mythical A/C repairman will arrive at our house: 24

Hours until we all go insane and kill each other with sharpened Popsicle sticks: 1

Current downstairs temperature: 75

Current upstairs temperature: 95

Odds that a cloud will form on the landing where the cold air and hot air meet: 1 in 100

Odds that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about regarding how clouds form: 1 in 1

Number of little boys who now need to sleep on the downstairs hide-a-bed: 2

Number of times little boys on the hide-a-bed will scream, “He’s touching my butt!”: 32

Number of times the little boys’ dad will scream, “Mommy’s touching MY butt!”: 1

Number of minutes mommy will glare at daddy for making this inappropriate comment: 3

Bottles of wine needed to get through The A/C Incident of 2009: 2

Bottles of wine currently in the house: 0

Average speed car will be driven to the liquor store to remedy this problem: 76 mph

Total amount of fine on speeding ticket received for the liquor store flyby: $102.00

Chances that we are all now strongly considering a move to North Dakota: 100%