Back in the day, it took a while to drum up enough courage to take a bite of the jiggling mass of spam that made its way out of the can and onto my plate. But boy, was it worth it: Pure sodium, meaty goodness. It did help that anything tastes good when you’re eating it on the beach. But...

I have nothing against art (except my own). But when people line up in droves, fighting you for a peek at “maggot art”, you know that society has taken a turn for the worst. It doesn’t take a special maggot to create a masterpiece, just one with enough energy to make it across a...

We all like breasts. But when jiggling masses of white meat get in the way of a normal sex life, it’s an obvious sign that things have gone too far. Domesticated turkeys have expanded to the point where natural reproduction is impossible. These over- bred monstrosities may be tasty, but with...

I would like to take a moment to reminisce about the time my house was broken into…REPEATEDLY. At first, I would notice little things missing here and there: Pieces of paper, cookies, chunks out of my favorite sweater. It really wasn’t too bad until the culprit grew some balls and ran...

I’ve lived with a girl who faked being handicapped, a Minotaur and a fundamental Christian who belly danced on the weekends for some extra cash. But nothing was worse  than when one roommate decided to bring along her cat. I was excited at first. I wouldnt mind a cat around the house;...