Posts Tagged ‘foot’

‘Foot Tingling Is God’s Way Of Telling You To ‘Move It’!

December 16th, 2008 Seafoodpuncher

There is nothing worse than sitting awkwardly with the computer on your lap, when suddenly…out of nowhere…for no reason whatsoever…at the worst possible time…your foot falls asleep! Oh God, the HORROR! Apparently, sitting around for hours with a 10 pound laptop putting pressure on your legs isn’t a good idea. I found this out the hard way.

I guess you shouldn’t really argue with something that has evolved for millions of years to let you know when it’s time to move your ass because sitting around for that long can’t be healthy. Same thing goes if you don’t believe in evolution: You can’t argue with God right? This is God’s way of saying that people shouldn’t be lazy! Get up!

Doctors have tried convincing me that extended pressure applied to any part of the human body will cut off circulation and squish arteries that carry nourishment to nerve cells. The nerves just pass out and the brain gets all confused because communication just stops. Well, OK, that makes sense. But why the pain? Haven’t people been putting all kinds of crap on their laps for centuries: babies, books, your own leg, etc. What is the point?

Waking up with a cramped calf muscle isn’t fun either. I’ll wake up moaning and trying to massage a muscle that seems to have taken on a will of its own. The little bastard seems to want nothing more than to burst out of my leg. It really is cruel. The cramping I can understand though, it’s just a nice way of saying that you need more potassium in your diet…but a foot falling asleep because it can’t take a few pounds of pressure? Come ON!

I guess the pain we feel is the poor little nerve cells crying out for help. I imagine them suffocating underneath my skin and stabbing me with tiny swords to let me know that it’s time to move along. It doesn’t take much imagination, because that’s exactly what it feels like!

Nerves are ready to strike when you least expect it…

Always ready to strike when you least expect it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is the more scientific version of the story: Some nerve cells send out crazy signals while others stop working all together. That’s what causes the tingling. There is more to it than that, of course: different sizes of nerve fibers send out different kinds of signals, blood flow etc. If you are really curious you can read up on that HERE.

I guess this slight tingling sensation is better than the foot binding scenario mentioned in a previous blog. (I would like to take this time to say that I do not have a foot fetish and that I’ll be sure to avoid topics involving feet for a while. Or until these accusations are no longer an issue.)

Hmm, Maybe my next blog about the human body’s sick sense of humor will involve hiccups. Those aren’t fun either.

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Foot Binding Isn’t All That

December 4th, 2008 Seafoodpuncher

Most four year olds just want to play with their toys, run around making as much noise as possible and maybe harass their parents after watching a commercial about the newest kind of McNugget. Getting their toenails cut down to nothing, and then having their toes broken isn’t really something on a kid’s priority list, but this is exactly what happens when it comes time for a girl to start beautifying her feet in 10th century China.

Basically, each toe gets ceremoniously broken, then a 10 foot long bandage is wrapped around the toes which are pulled as far back into the heel as possible. Sound fun?! Good, because its not over! These events would repeat themselves every 2 days with the bandages getting pulled in tighter and tighter. But it’s not all bad. This tradition typically happened in the winter when feet were numb with cold anyway.

This foot-binding trend continued for a thousand years (till the 20th century) and some older women are still seen with their undersized feet carefully bound and hidden away in tiny size 0 shoes that wouldn’t even fit over my big toe. Obviously, tiny pointy pixy feet that force their owners to shuffle around painfully on their heels (also known as the lotus gait) were quite popular. (I really want to know what kind of sadistic person thought of the idea, by the way)

In fact, the Qing Dynasty has a few sex novels that describe almost 50 ways to erotically play with a lucky lady’s bound feet. Of course, the bound feet have to stay in the colorful pointy lotus blossom shoes, because underneath that pretty cloth shell is a stinky rotting foot that would pretty much ruin the moment. When exposed to fresh air I’m sure the foot would explode into a green cloud of foot fungus and stink (bound feet had crevices impossible to clean).

My feet are so damn big.  Size 9.5 would have been considered an abomination in China, I’m sure.

Nowadays high heels are the the modernized version of the pain-for-beauty concept when it comes to feet. High heels were originally designed for riding a horse (NOT to walk around), so the foot would angle forward and not fall out of the stirrup. You didnt WALK on the heel, you’d get carried around while wearing them…and rightfully so because walking on heels is a pain in the ass and everywhere else too, for that matter (but they sure do look good).

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