I guess I shouldn’t gag when someone afflicted with “smelly-fish syndrome” takes a seat next to me. They can’t help it.

I’m not making this up. Fish-odor syndrome (FOS) happens when people don’t have the appropriate enzyme to degrade the fishy smelling chemical found in dense foods like eggs, liver, and of course…fish. These people are forced to sweat or pee out the offensive chemical (aka amino-trimethylamine or TMA) and will smell like fish even if they shower daily and smear on the deodorant. If you’re afflicted with FOS I would recommend working at a fishstick factory…where nobody can tell the fishy syndromed people apart from the fish covered employees. YAY!

Alright, so I’m not perfect. I love spicy food. Spicy food with GARLIC! LOTS of garlic! It took me a while to figure out why I smelled like an Italian bistro for DAYS no matter how much mouthwash I gargled down. 

Garlic is potent for a reason. The sulphur compounds in the stuff are absorbed in the bloodstream and will flow around seeping out of your pores for a while. It is absorbed in your lungs too. This means irreversible garlic breath. And guess what else? Mouth wash does NOT help! Goddamnit! Mouthwash actually makes things WORSE! Those lying assholes!

Let me explain: The alcohol found in most mouthwashes will dry up your mouth, and after that tasty mint flavor is gone, you’ll smell even worse. Sucking on deodorant doesn’t help either.

Moral of the story: So what can you do if you tend to stink it up? Buy enough garlic pizza or onion infused bratwursts for everybody!!