Seafoodpunch

There isn’t a more versatile piece of plastic than a balloon.

With just a 25 cent piece of flabby plastic you (and your friends) can have an AMAZING time. You don’t even have to blow the thing up to start in on the fun:

Use it as a finger puppet.

Use it to exercise those lungs during an anxiety attack.

Blow it up and let it loose under the dinner table as a way to break up the awkward silence. “Pthth … pthththththtth … pth … pth…”  Instant conversation!!

If you’re in desperate need for some cash, Nigerian drug lords pay big money for you to swallow a few dozen balloons full of cocaine (BYOBalloons).

I mean, why not make some money while you’re on vacation?

The options are endless.

Actual latex balloons didn’t exist till the 1800s. Since then, balloons have made lucrative careers in the balloon swallowing or sculpting industry a reality.

I’m glad we live in an age with latex, though. I don’t know how much fun it would have been to blow up 50 pig or cat bladders for my friend’s birthday.

Stretchy animal bladders and intestines were the preferred materials when it came to inflatables back in the day.

On a side note, animal intestines were also used when it came to your own, personal inflatable device. Thankfully we are now given a whole array of sizes, colors and flavors to choose from when it comes to picking out a latex love-glove for our thrill drill (aka trouser trout, purple headed soldier, pink oboe,  gristle missile etc.)

This is definitely a step up from the more traditional choice of sheep intestine.

People have loved balloons for centuries. The Aztecs even made balloons out of people parts because the gods NEEDED balloons to be happy.

Cats where the preferred material used for balloons at first…apparently there was no better balloon making material out there than the occasional feline.

But when cats became scarce because of a disease, the Aztecs decided to turn to people. There were always plenty of those running around.

Their god expected damned balloons at their party! What’s a sacrifice without balloons?!! It just couldn’t be taken seriously without the ritualistic inflated intestines (whether it be human or feline) twisted into the shape of a donkey.

This donkey shaped, people intestine, balloon animal would then get ceremoniously carried to the top of the highest Aztec pyramid and burned in honor of the sun god.

I’m sure the Aztec kids aspired to becoming balloon donkeys when they grew up.