I had a hard enough time fitting in as the awkward, plumpy, awkwardly dressed, new kid…

But that damn metal, torture device propelled me into a whole new category of unpopular.

My teeth weren’t even that bad. I did NOT deserve this.

My father’s first attempt at ruining my life with braces backfired: Apparently I was still too attractive with the multicolored (purple, blue and yellow) metal wiring covering my teeth.

I still believe that my father, in his haste to make sure that I didn’t rush into any relationships, paid a doctor good money to pull that horrible harness over my face thereby ensuring that nobody would ever want a make out session with the new kid at school.

Who knows…but if that was indeed the case, it definitely worked.

He was a genius.

Thank God the majority of kids in my generation have ADD so they pretty much got bored of harassing me about my little accessory after 3.2 minutes.