But when people line up in droves, fighting you for a peek at “maggot art”, you know that society has taken a turn for the worst.

It doesn’t take a special maggot to create a masterpiece, just one with enough energy to make it across a canvas.

I never thought that maggots would be taking jobs away from the rest of us. They’ve already proven to be better doctors at dealing with hard-to-heal wounds:  When the general surgeon is stumped by a festering sore that  has no chance of improving, maggots get thrown into the mix to save the day. They make sure to meticulously remove all dead cells while keeping healthy tissue intact. Maggots are capable of so much…and they don’t even have opposable thumbs…or even hands for that matter.

These chubby little worms promote healing, disinfect wounds and are willing to give doctors all the credit.

Who knew that a maggot was such a mensch?

The hospital is a fairly stressful environment though, even for the most experienced maggot, so it’s no surprise that many of these little grubs have turned to the arts.

Obviously their paintings don’t sell for much: First of all, maggots with a talent for wiggling around in paint are not that hard to come by. And second of all, maggots will do the job for a small piece of old bologna.

So in the end, all you’re paying for is the paint and the paper…and maybe some rotten meat.

I’m just worried about those bastard maggots undercutting my prices…

I need at least a whole pizza to do my job right.

And to think that this was my attempt at drawing something serious! Anyway…my first Photoshop illustration.

My only concern is whether I should have taken the time to cover up her boobies with leaves.

God knows exposed fairy boobs would have gotten me plenty of hits on this site…but then I would have had to remind the public that fairy breasts are actually the size of pinheads.

If I were going to have a giant stone statue in my front yard, there’s no question which animal I’d choose: Griffin. Ever since I was a little boy.

“A griffin? Why?” my wife asked, as if she had to.

“It’s an eagle AND a lion. It’s the two kings of the animal world wrapped up in one neat little package. It’s a symbol of royalty, and, if they existed, they would be, unequivocally, the scariest thing on the planet. What’s more terrifying than a lion that can fly and tear you apart with it’s razor sharp beak?”

“A bear with sharks for arms,” she replied without missing a beat.

I thought about that for a moment and conceded the point.

“Touché, baby,” I said.

After reading that paragraph, my life had meaning again! I would draw this creature…the scariest thing on the planet. And I have to say, I’ve created something beautiful.

It brings tears to my eyes. Tears of FEAR!

Unfortunately, my friend Greg doesn’t tend to agree with me, and claims that the image below looks more like a perverted bear with his paws rammed up a couple of sharks’ asses- Sort of like a grizzly puppeteer.

Whatever! That’s an ESCALATED level of scary awesome! Who isn’t afraid of puppets?!

I don’t know why people don’t take me seriously.