The Urinator

Posted by Seafoodpuncher on Mar 21, 2010 in Animalia | 1 comment

I mentioned my dog’s embarrassing problem a few posts back.

To make up for his non-existent bowl movements, he has decided to cover everything in urine instead.

Plants, bikes, fire hydrants, sidewalks, pant legs…NOTHING can escape the stream. This dog prances around the neighborhood with the thought that marking everything is the safer way to go.

Dogs are tricky little furrballs: They lift their legs in an attempt to pee as high as possible, giving other dogs that pass by the impression that the urine poured out of an incredibly large animal.

Handstands are the best way to go for the little guys like chihuahuas. My dog has even been known to somersault over canopies while releasing sporadic yellow showers.

He will pee on lowly weeds as well, though, thinking that hundreds of small dogs are just as intimidating as a few taller hounds.

But it doesn’t end there. Even after sniffing a fellow canine, I recognize the special glint in his eye and have to pull him away before another unsuspecting animal is drenched.

Hundreds of beetles have already succumbed to the yellow tsunami. He probably thinks that all the killings send a message: Stay away…or you WILL get wet.

If I don’t protect other creatures from the same demise…those poor beetles, slugs and snails will have all died in vain.