Der Uebermops by Christopher Vear

Posted by gspeed on Dec 5, 2009 in Guest Posts | 2 comments

Christopher Vear of Vearpothesis shares his home with two wet, bulging, eyeballs attached to a wrinkled towel. I’m told that this abomination is actually a kind of dog known as a pug.  The following guest post written and illustrated by the talented artist highlights one of the animal’s weird-and arguably demonic-little habits. Thanks, Chris!

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What can I say?

I love pugs.

They’re such bizarre things! My roommate’s pug does this frequently: We like to call it “The Superpug”. When properly spooked, excited, or otherwise bothered, the little bugger releases an obnoxious amount of energy (Approximately 3,850,000 megajoules) in a furious streak of pug.

Wrinkles fluttering in the wind, eyes glazed in madness, tail unfurled…Aerodynamics be damned, this pug shreds the very fabric of time and space with his fury.

Snot and boogers are instantaneously vaporized as his nasal passages uncoil to force matter through his engine of a carapace. His gaping maw snorts belts of flame. And for just the briefest of moments, he can see. . . forever.

At least that’s what we think is going on; thanks to the laws of relativity, specifically those concerning pug-time, we cannot fully observe, or even comprehend what Pig Pug truly experiences. Though if my calculations are correct, the above description is accurate.