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Miracle Poop
So it’s finally come to this:
PRETENDING to pick up dog crap along the sidewalk to get accepted by the people next door.
Walking the dog is definitely an experience because…and stay with me here…this dog has been blessed with a magic asshole.
I’m serious.
He’ll eat. He’ll beg to go for a walk. He’ll start sniffing the ground and take his sweet time finding the prime spot to fertilize. He’ll shiver with the strain of squirting out a poopnugget…
And then there’s me with the plastic bag, scratching my head because there. Is. NOTHING. There.
NOTHING!
Somewhere between that dog’s lower intestine and the sidewalk that little poop disappeared into THIN AIR!
In any case, I’m forced to act disgusted and do my best to pick up the invisible scheisse because God knows that ONE of my vigilant neighbors is on poop patrol.
They’ll be pleased to see me put my hand in the bag, grab some dirt (the prop) and walk away like a responsible, fellow neighbor.
Jeezus. The things I have to do not to get into trouble around here…
I hope I don’t step on any invisible turds on the way to Petco in search of some exlax.
Just stumbled upon your blog today…HILARIOUS! I’m sure at this very moment, my co-workers are wondering what in heaven’s name just caused me to laugh out loud in the neighboring cube. Thanks for the much-need-laughs on this Monday!
Tabitha! Thank you so much for somehow managing to find me and laugh at my blog. haha. thats the whole point. i really appreciate you letting me know that I’ve helped you procrastinate at work. Aaaah, I miss those good times.
have a good day! and show your work buddies what they’re missing…and if you’re in CA let me know if you’re hiring. hehe jk