Seafoodpunch

You know you’ve arrived in hell when the healthiest thing on the menu is a plump, greasy, polish sausage nestled inside a starchy bun.

Costco is hell.

I enjoy Costco. In fact, I enjoy it entirely too much.

It. Needs. To. End…

Tomorrow

So today…we drive to the warehouse full of goodies and marvel at the 20 pound bags of cashews and the foot long cheese logs. We don’t buy much this time, though…just a couple buckets of salsa and a potato sack full of avocados.

And then it happens…the moment I dread the most when we go to Costco: Lunchtime.

My buddy gets a hotdog. Every single one of my friends can eat spoonfuls of lard and still look like they run 10 miles a day…uphill…in the snow…while carrying an ox. So they have no problems eating whatever the hell they want, including hotdogs.

I don’t have that luxury, so I decide on the turkey wrap thinking I’ve made the healthy choice.

“You enjoy your polish hot dog you son of a bitch,” I think while I angrily rip off another piece of my wrap, “ Just see how it tastes when you’re a chubby 50 year old who can’t see his own little hotdog under their ginormous gut…Binge eating hotdogs will eventually catch up with you.”  *rip* chew* *chew*

Ugh, I just wanna hotdog so bad…

So I get home and find out that my ‘healthy’ turkey wrap was a whopping 810 calories!! What?!! Are you kidding me?! The hotdog is almost HALF that! It’s worse than a big mac. 

I’ll still go to costco, but I’ll stick with the churros for now. At 230 calories a piece, I don’t need to feel guilty. In fact, slap one of those churros on a slice of pizza. That combo is still better than a turkey wrap.