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Mushrooms Are Everywhere
We are surrounded!
Little fungal creatures hang onto our shower walls while we assume the bathroom empty, they make their way onto our pizzas and our soups, they get ground up into tiny pills that millions of people swallow daily without a second thought, or get taken at parties causing guests to see the cookie monster humping the nightstand.
Mushrooms are everywhere! We can’t escape.. They are a part of our lives and even a part of US! Their spores float into our noses and our lungs. We are carrying around little mushroom babies! Sick!
Alright, so that’s not really accurate, most funguses are harmless…BUT ever heard of aspergillus? It happens when a rude species of fungus takes over a previously damaged portion of your lung and GROWS inside of you! The fungal bundle of joy then proceeds to make your life hell and is ridiculously hard to remove.
And what about athlete’s foot? Or jock itch? Is all that irritation really necessary?
It’s just weird that we end up paying 5 additional dollars to have mushrooms on a pizza knowing full well how nasty the distant cousin of the white cap is. You wouldn’t pay to suck on someone’s athletey foot right?
Mushrooms don’t really fit in anywhere. They aren’t considered a plant or animal. They are just eerie: It’s scary how these little mushrooms shoot up from the ground overnight (and force me to think of a zombie with a hardon in a shallow grave) or envelope our bread within days. I’ve had hundreds of poor fruit bowls succumb to a fungal invasion!
But then again, mushrooms aren’t all bad. The most popular video game of all time actually used the mushroom for inspiration (in more ways than one, I’m sure).
The groups of mushroom caps that cluster around on grassy knolls are kind of cute too…as long as you don’t think of the hundreds of white, filmy roots that connect them all underground. A 2,400 year old fungus in Oregon is supposedly the largest living organism on earth, covering over 2,000 acres. Once in a while a few golden-colored mushrooms will pop up when the giant feels the need for some fresh air.
In fact, all the mushroom caps you usually see in the backyard belong to one giant organism underground…you’re walking on it…on the creature that’s just inches beneath your feet…sometimes hundreds of acres long. What if it doesn’t like you picking it’s mushrooms?
Mushyrooms scare me a bit. They’re like mold (Wait, they ARE mold), and they just seem to pop up where they don’t belong. Yes, I am scared.
This just when the waiter served my order of pizza with mushrooms, cheese, and garlic. Sigh. Okay, I am done worrying. Yum!
Ooooo creeeeeepy.
I always assumed that they were harmless. I guess it’s time to arm myself with tomatoes.
I dont know about arming yourself with tomatoes…I’ve seen a few tomatoes succumb to mold, and it’s not a pretty sight.