Pure, Undiluted, Buzzing Evil

Posted by gspeed on Jan 26, 2009 in Animalia, Best of SFP, Monsters, Myths & Legends | 2 comments

I was lying in bed wondering how anyone could possibly fall asleep in the stifling heat. And then I heard it…

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz

My red eyes popped open, bulging out of their sockets.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I woke up and flailed around wildly.

The buzzing stopped.

The silence would have been enjoyable if it didn’t mean that a damn mosquito had landed somewhere on my body and was preparing to force its disgusting mouth through my skin for a drink.

I was furious. Nothing pisses me off more than these blood suckers flying around my head at night, waking me up like a rude neighbor and then helping themselves to a meal without even asking!

Mosquitoes have driven people insane since the beginning of time. Even the Jews and Muslims can agree on this one: The Talmud states that the Roman Emperor Titus went insane after a mosquito flew up his nose and into his brain, tormenting him with its incessant buzzing.

In Islamic legends, Nimrod had a mosquito (maybe even the same one) make its way into his skull. Nimrod was tortured by the noise and ordered his guards to hit him in the head as a means for some relief. Eventually, the request got a little old and a rambunctious guard split Nimrod’s head in half after which the mosquito flew off to go annoy someone else.

I could totally relate to these stories as I was about to knock myself out on the bed post, desperate to get some sleep. I had to destroy these damned mosquitoes to avoid injuring myself.

Throwing the sheet to the side, I stomped towards the light switch. Within seconds I was scanning my room for the greedy culprits. I was on a mission, and I wanted nothing more than to add another bloody red dot to the dozens of others that already adorned the bedroom walls.

Some people hang up moose heads and stuffed sailfish, I was satisfied with a squished mosquito.

Mosquitoes are pure evil. As if providing them with a blood meal isn’t enough, these little shits will spit up saliva full of parasites as a goodbye present before they head back to hell.

700 million people get some kind of disease caused by these pests every YEAR! Malaria, Dengue Fever and West Nile Virus are just a few of the health benefits that are associated with a mosquito bite.

There are few things I hate more than a mosquitoes, and I’m not the only one. Maybe we should focus on hating this little insect instead of each other. Maybe that’s even the reason they exist? Or maybe they are just one of nature’s sick little jokes.

Of course, it is only the female mosquito that goes around sucking blood. So, in a sense, it’s not really the mosquito that’s evil…but the babies she carries: Female mosquitoes only stray from their diet of nectar when it is time to start a family. The guys, on the other hand, are harmless.

Sure, I’ll donate a few drops of blood for a worthy cause, but raising families of mosquitoes is NOT one of them.