December 30th, 2008 
Seafoodpuncher Cakes are part of the most important days of our lives: Weddings, birthdays, holidays or just for fun. So when we open a box expecting a professionally decorated cake, but get a noxious blob that even the most unskilled baby could cough up after too many cookies, we tend to get upset…but in this day and age it is more likely that we just create a website to bitch about it.
CakeWrecks.com is one of those sites that you just can’t help but scroll through, giggling like a little schoolgirl the whole time. It is dedicated to bringing us the worst looking cakes that unsuspecting individuals PAID for. Most of the cakes you see though, just show you how hard it is to work with frosting. And to think…It all started with the infamous cake decorated by a brain-dead or perhaps illiterate employee at a local Wal-mart (Where else?):
Here’s another example of decoration ideas lost in translation:
“Hey there, I need a graduation cake”
Heavy breathing interrupted by some careful nose picking. “No problem, do you want anything else on it”
“I want sprinkles”
wait for it….
ta daaaaaaa!
Cakewrecks also brings to light little abominations that line our grocery isles, begging to be photographed and made fun of. I’m pretty much addicted.
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Of all my birthday cakes, two are especially memorable: The first was created in a family bake shop where more time was spent cleaning up after roaches than baking. I remember the crude Bugs Bunny shaped lump placed in front of me as I proudly sat at the head of the table in my shiny, paper Birthday hat. It was a creepy looking cake, but I was incredibly excited at the prospect of devouring at least a month’s worth of sugar in one sitting.
The cake was decorated with huge dollops of grey and white frosting (staying true to the bugs bunny theme) making the cake look much bigger than it really was. It brings to mind one of those persian cats that have all that fluff just for show. But if you’ve seen one of those animals waddle through the door after a night out in the rain, you know that the real thing is really a pathetic little nugget of a cat. So…what I’m saying is that my first real birthday cake reminds me of an overly hairy cat: A tiny piece of cake covered in cheap fluff. In fact, my mouth became coated with the buttery mess and I could barely talk, but I wasn’t too unhappy about it.
The second cake, was just as exciting. In fact, it lit my hair on fire. My family thought it would be hilarious to confuse me with one of those candles that won’t go out unless you practically spit on them. So it sparked back on again, with my hair right overhead. I ended up with a mullet for a while after that.
I guess my point is that the best cakes are sometimes the worst.
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