Ever want the Jacuzzi to yourself? Well, the solution would be to avoid putting any chlorine in the bacteria riddled water so you end up with a nice, fresh “hot tub rash”. Sure, it will itch, and it sure as hell will be uncomfortable. But at least you know that nobody will want to get into...

  I have too much crap. The Solution: Participate in an online white elephant party hosted by NGIP and hope someone else has more closet space than I do for snowman-shaped salt shakers, Mickey Mouse watches, inflatable dumbbells and various holiday-themed wool socks. Unfortunately,...

It’s a new year! Time to learn to become more productive and to make the best out of whatever life hands you…even if the crap you deal with turns into nothing more than a bigger ball of sh*t. Just remember, some things consider a ball of poop a...

Americans don’t like morbid stories: Just like they changed up the Brothers Grimm, getting rid of all the gore, they also changed Santa Claus to make him less frightening. America needs to censor everything, and just look where that got us: We have a morbidly obese Santa who eats all of...

It’s always amazing how people will pay top-dollar for a life threatening  experience. Take a puffer fish dinner, for example: A few tiny slivers of this so called delicacy-a.k.a fugu – will cost you upwards of a few 100 dollars. Eating pufferfish is a way for less active individuals...

Getting invited to dinner comes with its risks. It’s usually easy to pretend you like something…or to hide it in your napkin. The ideal hosts will sometimes supply a hungry dog to dispose of any unwanted food thrown under the table. One thing you can’t easily pretend to like,...

It’s official! People love to eat. Thanksgiving is one of the many holidays celebrated with binge eating. The funny thing is that the only vegetables on the menu are usually hidden under a thick layer of gravy, doused with ‘cream of mushroom soup’, or suffocating under a blanket of...

Zombies are aware of two things. Well…ONE thing at least: Their stomachs. And with a constant craving for flesh, zombies are having a hard time staying in shape. In today’s health conscience world, zombies know that a steady diet of brains is really the only way to go. Intestines, spleens,...

I thought I’d upload a short video of the whole illustration process for whoever is interested. This is my first stab at video editing…but I’m not entirely unhappy with how it came out. This little guy took about 30 minutes to complete in real...

You know what’s scary to most walruses? Killer whales! buaaaarrgh. But what happens when a walrus gets vampified… Well, actually…nothing really...

You know what ruins a bathroom trip? No…it’s not the pet Labrador trying to push the door open, or the water from an eccentric toilette splashing up at your starfish, or the husband yelling at you to hurry up. No, my friends, it’s all about the toilette paper. Revisions are made to TP on...

O.K. There are two things you can never have enough of: Goats and Panties. Or is it milk and cookies? Either way, I have the bad habit of drawing animals in awkward situations. Who knew that drawing a self-conscious goat in panties would land me an awesome goaty calendar without the goaty...

Listen people! I have to say this in case any previous employers read my blog…do NOT under any circumstances handle bats. Call your local wildlife rehabilitator. I know Twilightis all the rage…STILL…but making out with a bat is a guaranteed way of getting rabies since the virus is in...

I don’t watch porn…but I do watch the food network for similar results. Lately, it seems like the most popular turn-on has to do with...

While snorkeling in Hawaii, I was overwhelmed with all the sea cucumbers scooting along the sea-floor like rambunctious little turds. I didn’t see a single dolphin on this trip, so I had to satisfy myself with the herds of sea cucumbers that gracefully made their way from one side of the...

While visiting Germany, I learned how Europeans really felt about Americans – “fat, lazy, gun slinging, burger-loving Americans”. The younger generation knows better, though. You’re not going to get mugged or shot by a rogue hillbilly while traveling around this...

Your morning can’t be off to a great start when it feels like you’ve made out with your cat’s butt all night long. Thankfully, I have no cats, but morning breath is one of the worst thing to wake up to (second to a cat’s butthole). I’m not ashamed to admit that oral hygiene is a big...

I went to boarding school in Germany for a year. Out of all the horrors I endured there, nothing stands out more than the incident with one particularly gross encased meat product- The Blood Sausage. Boarding school wasn’t too bad, but naturally there were rules we all had to follow-Lights...